Dear past self

Oh the nostalgia you get when you see some old pictures of yourself! Although (mostly older) people always complain about how the youth of today don’t make memories but rather take pictures of themselves all the time. I think pictures are memories that you will be able to share with your friends years later. That’s why I’m so bummed out that I can’t find many really old pictures of me. A lot of them must be on some ancient laptop of mine that due to moving houses disappeared 😦

BUT thanks to the internet I was still able to find some old and also quite embarassing pictures of myself! Looking at them made me think of what I would tell my younger self if I could send them a letter from the future.

So here you go let’s start with emo-me about 13 or 14 years old in 2007 / 08:

Yup I was also on of THESE kids with that stupid scarf.
2007/08?: Yup I was also on of THESE kids with that stupid scarf. My favourite colours were purple and black obvs.

Dear 13 or 14 year old me,

Although you’re such an annoying and still kind of hyper kid it’s actually already impressive how stubborn but also determined you were at that age. Instead of doing all the shit other kids did at your age you stayed focused on school but also dressed the way you wanted despite all the dirty looks you got from teachers and classmates, props to that!
Also you will never get out of this “phase”. I still love MCR although, you know, *voicebreaks* they broke up about three years ago and Frank Iero isn’t as hot anymore (but Gerard Way is, even though he’s in his 40s now. Geeze I’d hit that!) 😦 But you’re still friends with the closest people you know from school and even live together with the bff you already had back then! That emo-phase kind of didn’t last very long so that brings me to artsy-emo Vanessa hahaha

Wow look at that quote sooo deeep
2008: Wow look at that quote sooo deeep

That’s about the time I discovered more alternative music and also a looot of indie music (like the Killers, Arctic Monkeys, the Wombats, Foals, White Lies etc.). I also dived into the world of make up. But as I already mentioned in my previous post I can’t find these pictures anymore *cries* Oh, that was also about the time I had my first boyfriend haha ooh the memories

About 2009/2010 when *dundundun* the first boyfriend broke up with me I needed a “change” in my life
2010: Uhhm woah I’m super confused I have no idea when I wen’t back to black hair but it wasn’t for too long

So dear 16 / 17 year old me,

God damn it stop being such a bitch to anyone. We GET IT you DON’T want a boyfriend anymore but stop being so aggressive! I assume it’s because birth control messed with our mental state, we’ll get used to it but it won’t get better.. Oh and congrats on getting that apprenticeship although it sucks that you had to change your working place AND your school in the middle of the year ugh! But you’ll get over it and it actually brings a lot of pros for the future!
And at this age you’ll be the most active if it comes to going to gigs and festivals I mean, dude, 5 festivals in a row? How the hell did we survive that? hahaha

2011 me while I was in Cambrigde for two weeks with my class. What I learned: Older British people fucking hate American English

Dear 17/18 year old me,

First off I’m sorry but you’re an idiot hahahaha Did you really expect to get your hair from purple to white without any damage? You had to cut them off because you had to learn it the hard way after using bleach as if it was a hair dye. Btw it’ll take 3 more years until you finally get rid of bleaching your hair yourself and finally go to a professional. You will end up with some dope white and long ass hair though!


I told you I couldn't stay away from the bleach haha
2011: I told you I couldn’t stay away from the bleach haha

Oh and that new “scene” and the people you surround yourself with: probs on you for not trusting some of them. Especially the dudes they’re literally scumbags. But some of the friends you make back then are still close friends of yours today!
Totally forgot about that dude that is messing with you heart and mind, he’ll continue doing that for the next 6 years  LOOK FORWARD TO THAT HAHAHAHA

Oh we get it you try to hide your damaged hair with extensions good one :p
2012: Oh we get it you try to hide your damaged hair with extensions good one :p And notice that hair style? ;D

Dear 18/19 year old self,

I kind of hate that you had to overdid it with stretching your lobes because now I need to get them sewn up but ooooh weeeell we should have listened to mom. Anyway I’m super proud of you that although you had a lot of struggle in your personal life and also failed in two exams YOU FUCKING DID IT YOU GENIUS!! You finished your apprenticeship whoopdeedoo!
Until today you still didn’t attend any other schools or further education because guess what: 22-year old you still thinks studying at college is fucking overpriced and a waste of time (especially if you’re not a 100% sure about what to do). Also don’t worry about that internship you started it won’t take long until you quit. It’s a shit hole but at least there are some cool people you’re able to work with 🙂 Unfortunately you will lose touch to them..

2012: After I bleached my whole head A-GAIN. I told you I can’t keep my hands off bleach hahaha

Dear 19/20 year old me,

Your hair is still damaged but at least it looks kind of cool now hahaha So you started your job at a call center after “escaping” form the internship of horror (ok I’m exaggerating a bit it wasn’t that terrible). You will already notice after a couple months that you’re bored and underestimated so you will actually get the job that you applied for (lucky you that big guy that you won’t like during your stay there actually liked you so much that thanks to him you got the job!) So at least you don’t have to call 5 days a week but only 3 times and for a duration of almost a year your calling time will be reduced to only HALF A DAY a week! You’ll be able to work in a cool project, but sadly all the things that have been promised to you won’t actually happen :-/ But you already reckon that it  probably will not gonna happen as soon as your project time comes to an end.. Oh and you will attend one of the worst years: 2014 I fucking hated 2014

2013: When I still had my dermals hahaha


The tattoos are finally starting to come
2013 The tattoos are finally starting to show

Dear 20/21 year old me,

As I already mentioned: 2014 was the WORST YEAR EVER seriously you will also get into financial struggles later in 2015 but 2014 UGH where should I start?
Oh yeah you failed your first drivers test because your driving instructor is a fucking asshole. We should have told him to go fuck himself waaay before we wasted half a year on that bastard. After you fail that test you will shake so hard that you won’t even be able to drive home by yourself anymore. You will cry your eyes out and feel like a loser but FINALLY you’ll tell him that you won’t go to his driving lessons anymore.
No more telling you what an idiot you are, no more jokes about how maybe your eyesight is the problem, no more awkward small talk. GEEZE. And guess what he couldn’t care less about that text you send him.

Oh 2014 is also the year your stupid ass decided to work voluntarily for a company you always thought was cool. Spoiler: it isn’t. The people there are but the work, not so much.. But at least you’ll meet one of the coolest people and it happens that she likes the same music as you (you even went to a festival with her this year wohoo!)

But you will make one of the biggest mistakes in your relationship. WHY. WHY DID YOU DO IT? ugh.  (fyi no one cheated I broke up with him when I shouldn’t have I’m an idiot it made everything so complicated in our relationship). It’s the year you and your boyfriend will fight EVERY TIME you’ll see each other. It’s the year where you finally end a toxic friendship, but it happened in a ridiculous fight on your BIRTHDAY PARTY. In that night your boyfriend will also prove that he’s the best guy ever..

side note: You’re still not friends with that person any more *sarcasticbohoo* you couldn’t care less about that tbh

2015: it finally gets better, almost

Finally *applauds* I went to a hairdresser and got blonde for a very long time: 2015

Dear 21 to present me,

2015 was finally the year you were able to move forward:
You finally quit your job and started a new and way better one, you had more time for yourself, your relationship got better, heck, you even finally went to the hairdresser to go blonde! *laughs*. You also bought yourself a car *raisethemmiddlefingerstoassholedrivinginstructor* after getting through the 2nd drivers test later in 2014. You moved in with your bestie and you finally got rid of all the old piercings.

2015: Probably 2012-me’s hair goals hahaha

What could possibly go wrong? One word: taxes. Loads of them and no money. But FUCK you handled it like a pro. You worked your ass off, you sold all of your old clothes and shit you could find. You lowered your life standards to a minimum and were lucky enough to win at so many contests (dude, you won two festival tickets, a voucher, a lush gift pack, headphones, two UE Booms and loads of free gig entries).

It’s 2016 the obstacles in life don’t stop but I learned a lot from my mistakes. All the struggles made me stronger and more determined!

So dear future me,

I hope you’re doing well health wise, job wise and also with your finances. I wonder if you finally attended any further educations. If you have finally moved in together with our present boyfriend. Is he even still your boyfriend? Are you married? I hope you were finally able to adopt a dog or two because that’s still my biggest wish next to being financially stable. I hope Trump did not win the elections and if so what were the consequences for us? I hope you still kick ass, been able to travel the world more and see more bands live. I wish for you that your personality didn’t change but you still won’t let other people’s opinion bring you down.
Last but not least; If you reeeeaally got pregnant and got a kid now; first I hope it was more or less planned, second I hope it’s healthy  and third I hope you take mom as an example for being a mother. But don’t spoil that kid too much or it’ll end up like us hahahaha

1995-me? I don’t know but look at that bitch face back then ALREADY hahaha I have to admit tho: cuuuuute

Only the best

2016 present-Vanessa


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