Recently I had quite an interesting conversation with my best friend who happens to just go through a break up. She’s doing surprisingly well and that made me think of 15-year-old me going through my first break up: Man oh man was I in a bad condition. I lost weight ( I’m already super skinny, so I was basically skin and bones, not cool guys) I couldn’t smile for at least 3 months and it took me about a year to finally get over my first heartbreak.
I was sure I will neeeever find someone like him ever again and no one will be good enough to replace him. So I kind of got into an anti-relationship phase. I had a lot of male friends but ewww please don’t get me into a relationship again! 7 years later I find myself in an almost 5-year relationship with someone who isn’t like my ex at all but apparently that still works! I must say he’s actually quite the opposite and more like a male-version of me. He’s stubborn as hell, does what he wants and won’t let people control him. Although this causes a lot of arguments between us two, I feel more comfortable because he challenges me and makes me appreciate his softer and loveable side more.
Anyways back to my friend: I’m pretty impressed in how she handles this situation she’s not desperately trying to get back with her ex nor does she complain about not having a boyfriend. Sure break ups suck but like anything else you’ll get over it and eventually find someone new. Because apparently everyone is out there looking for the special one.
But my question is: What for? And I’m not saying this because I don’t believe in love or anything, but why are there still soooo many people eagerly trying to find a partner? Relationships are a lot of work and most of them don’t last forever, especially not in our day and age where thanks to social media you can basically track your partner down and even a white lie can cause a huuuge fight, whereas our parents generation just had one thing: Trust.
But apparently people will rather have a significant other and suck at maintaining a healthy relationship than just stay single. Because according to some people single = alone = lonely.
Who said being alone means being lonely? And why do so many people lose interest in their partner and just NOT TALK ABOUT IT? I see people raving about stupid shit on the internet all the time but when it comes to confrontation in real life soooo many people shut down. Another friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend because he basically didn’t even try anymore and was falling into comfort. Although she gave him another chance he didn’t do anything. I think it’s super courageous of her to be this strict and that she won’t be dealing with this kind of drama anymore.
Sadly there are still a lot of couples that have been together for a long time but the “magic” has disappeared, still they just live on with it and are either too lazy or too afraid to speak up.
For me the most important things in a healthy relationship are trust, respect and honesty. You see your partner writing with someone you don’t know? Either let it be or ask him/her who is writing with and then wait for the reaction: Is he/she trying to hide something, go on be suspicious. Does he/she tell you it’s a friend, great thanks for the answer. Seriously don’t waste your time assuming your partner is automatically cheating. It’s not fair and they probably didn’t deserve to be treated like this. Is it bothering you? Open your mouth and try saying it in a respectful way and please PLEASE never shout in an argument because the one raising his voice is already nervous and the one only insulting the other has basically already lost. Same with subjects like spending more time together or if you need more time for yourself: Talk about it with your partner.
All these beautiful pictures of my boyfriend and me has been taken by the incredible talented Isabel! Check out her Homepage 🙂
In conclusion: Break ups definitely suck, but you WILL find someone new believe me. And if not: I hope you still have friends who would love to hangout with you and NOT hear about how alone you are. Just enjoy your life. If you’re finally in a relationship TALK camly to your partner and try not to control them.
Obviously no one is perfect especially not me. I had to work hard on myself and my boyfriend to get where we are today. He’s not only my lover but also my best friend. Sometimes he annoys the hell out of me but in the end I still love him. If we ever were to break up I would definitely try to stay in touch because he’s been such an important person in my life. To me friends are always just as important as my significant other! I mean who’s gonna be there for you if you’re going through a break up or is excited for you if you get into a new relationship, right? ;D
Spreading love and positive vibes
Your wannabe Dr. Love Vanessa